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ENTRY —
How Do You Like Them Apples, Steve? — By Nick Authenrieth
BROWSE —
The economy is in the shitter. Unemployment rates are consistently higher than they’ve ever been and people are having a harder time than ever just meeting basic expenses. So what’s Apple’s magic plan for their expensive yet stylish grown-up toys? Raise the prices!
I get it guys. I know everyone who owns a Mac is supposed to think they’re part of some elite club where only the members are hip to the news that PCs suck. I’m sure the guy who could only afford a $499 Hewlett Packard had no idea that the machine he was using was a piece of shit when it got 45 viruses after he was only on the age-old hunt for some Asian porn. You can sell however many billion iPhones, iPods and computers (for a minimum of a grand) you want but as long as you keep playing this elite card, in both actual price and marketing, it’s going to stop a large amount of people from buying your product. But I guess that’s not what you want? What the fuck? Wouldn’t you make more money by making your products affordable to a larger audience than more expensive to a smaller one? I own one of your computers and I must admit it’s getting very slow and outdated and I sure could use a new one. Too bad that’s not happening.
Pick one or the other, Apple. If the price of your computers is high but the marketing is clever and appeals to the latent aristocrat in all of us, like the ads for Jaguar automobiles, I’m sure I’d be less apt to think you were a complete boner for keeping your prices as high as I have to be to deal with the fact I can’t afford them. If the price of your computers was affordable and the marketing was mock-elitist, like Miller High Life, that might work too because I’m an idiot consumer like the rest of us at the end of the day and would definitely get roped in. A little irony always gets my juices flowing.
But now this bespectacled prick Steve Jobs has the balls to roll up on stage for the umpteenth time and announce that all of their current laptops, which Apple charges consumers NO LESS than $1,000 for, are now a thing of the past. With stunning features like a redesigned case, glass trackpad and it being made of aluminum, it’s no wonder it’s 300 dollars more expensive. For some glass and tin? Right now? I know Steve’s robot-butler probably reads him the newspapers in the morning. You’d think he’d have heard about a little recession going on right now.
There’s more of a need than ever for people to get invested and involved in technology and to use the tools best suited to help take this country into a new industrial revolution, like Apple Computers for instance! I won’t sit here and debate that Macs are far superior to PCs in most aspects. But be the best by example, Apple! Allow everyone to enjoy what you’ve gotten right. Get out of your fake tower and retire your condescending ads and your insulting prices. Sure, Bill Gates can be a dick, but right now, Steve Jobs is a walking erection.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR —
Nick is a city-born, country-bred writer, humorist and reluctant young professional. A public high school graduate, public college graduate, former teen actor and long-time cheeseburger aficionado, Nick has been delighting audiences with his bizarre narrative-based website The Wizard's Ridge for over 3 years. He's written for the likes of XXL Magazine, Marvel Comics and with his co-conspirator Travis Satten, helped create a successful viral video for IAC's own College Humor. With his love for classic literature, Cindy Crawford, one-liner comedians, RPG video games and 70's rock, his completely un-unique worldview is often a blessing and rarely a curse. As his friends and colleagues can attest, he is unparalleled at what he does best - bringing his unique perspective, engaging writing style and sense of humor to whatever's thrown at him.
COMMENTS —
POST DETAILS —
Posted October 21, 2008 at 10:28 am. Permalink. Subscribe to this post’s comments. Post a comment or leave a trackback.
Violence consists of any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view. It violates safety by trying to force meaning into the pool of shared meaning. Methods range from name-calling and monologuing to making threats. The three most common forms are controlling, labeling, and attacking:
Controlling consists of coercing others to your way of thinking. It’s done through either forcing your views on others or dominating the conversation. Methods including cutting others off, overstating your facts, speaking in absolutes, changing subjects, or using directive questions to control the conversation.
Violence
Violence consists of any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view. It violates safety by trying to force meaning into the pool of shared meaning. Methods range from name-calling and monologuing to making threats. The three most common forms are controlling, labeling, and attacking:
Controlling consists of coercing othres to your way of thinking. It’s done through either forcing your views on others or dominating the conversation. Methods including cutting others off, overstating your facts, speaking in absolutes, changing subjects, or using directive questions to control the conversation.
Labeling is putting a label on people or ideas so we can dismiss them under a general stereotype or category.
Attacking speaks for itself. You’ve moved from winning the arguement to making the person suffer. Tactics include belittling and threatening.
I suggest your support your claims with facts.
FACT: There is an apple laptop that is under $1000.
FACT: Updates aren’t just tin and glass. Have you forgotten about improved graphics cards, faster processors on all machines, multi-touch track pad technology, larger hard drives, faster motherboards, and faster RAM (DDR3)?
I’m not trying to convince anyone that these improvements are worth the money, but please state facts instead of your mis-stated opinions before staking your claim.
Dearest Brian Ffar,
I applaud your research. Since you’ve obviously got the books open, I suggest you also look up the definitions of HYPERBOLE as well as HUMOR and let those two simmer for a while before you accuse me of inciting violence.
Your grossly misplaced sense of technological righteousness and integrity - journalistic or otherwise - is extremely entertaining.
Thanks for the note! Love ya!
Nick
I agree. Let’s take sarcasm into consideration before calling the riot police.
That’s the perfect response to encourage people to never return to this site, and to never read this blog again - I’m sure IWRI really appreciates your response. Just something to consider when chastising the very people who are invited to “post a comment” for the editorial you wrote.
It’s not about who’s right or wrong, but the freedom to post our opinions.
*deletes bookmark*
Thanks for the feedback Brian.
As Managing Editor of IWRI, I can officially say we appreciate both responses.
We also defend our contributor’s rights to a) post an opinion on any topic, b) be as humorous, or non-humorous, as they see fit and c) respond to anybody who’s obviously trying to pick a fight.
I support Nick’s right to respond to such an obnoxious and over-the-top claim. The conversation is only as friendly as the person who starts it.
I’m assuming you won’t read this because you deleted the bookmark, but I hope you find your way back to IWRI soon enough. Your feedback is always welcome.
Ta.
Keep up the good work Brian!
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[...] Random Feed wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptThe economy is in the shitter. Unemployment rates are consistently higher than they’ve ever been and people are having a harder time than ever just meeting basic expenses. So what’s Apple’s magic plan for their expensive yet stylish grown-up toys? Raise the prices! I get it guys. I know everyone who owns a Mac is supposed to think they’re part of some elite club where only the members are hip to the news that PCs suck. I’m sure the guy who could only afford a $499 Hewlett Packard had no idea t [...]
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