Ladies and gentlemen, let’s discuss the finer points of job search etiquette. The good news is that you are employable, and some company will be lucky to have you. (Scroll through your mental rolodex of all of the truly incompetent people you’ve ever met and realize that yes, you have something to offer.)

Foremost, tell your friends, your colleagues, your acquaintances, and your parents’ friends that you are job hunting or “exploring opportunities.” (The former is for those who can blatantly job search. The latter is for those who are trying to keep a job while finding a better fit.)

This should be your cocktail: sporting event, dinner party, TV-watching chatter….mention your search. Tell everyone.  Jobs are found through two degrees of separation (this has happened twice for me), and I believe Malcolm Gladwell agrees in The Tipping Point. If you know specifically what you want to do, target the contacts you approach, but if you don’t, spread the word with everyone. The people in your life know you and will not suggest you pursue an opportunity in derivatives if you are the art gallery-type. So blanket everyone.

Next, be appreciative. For you, the job hunt is personal, and the ends will hopefully justify the time and resources spent searching. For everyone helping you, the hours could be spent doing a laundry list of more fun activities. Make your contacts feel appreciated, whether that means a handwritten thank you note, an email, or drinks. (And with drinks, may I point out, you get to drink too so that is a win/win). Keep your contacts updated on your progress (good or bad), but be succinct and do not waste their time.

Now, in the job hunt, you will be sent many positions that you do not want. This is tricky: don’t waste an interviewer’s time by accepting an interview for a job you don’t want, but don’t close yourself off from a potential opportunity. Go with your instinct. If the job sounds at all promising or you like the company hiring, go for the interview, but do remember that your behavior and performance will reflect on your contact. Make them look good by being prompt. Look appropriate and show up on time.

One last piece of advice: if you have the luxury of waiting for the right job to become available because you can consult, freelance, live off savings or the dole….do it.  A good position will take you in the direction you want to go, where you can invest your time and energy with results. If you settle for a paycheck, you’ll ultimately be dissatisfied and back where you started–job-hunting–which is a disservice to you and your employer.

While you are not working, try to enjoy the time off. Make a list. Do everything you have ever wanted to do during daylight hours “if only you had the time.” And pick up a copy of What Color Is Your Parachute by Richard Nelson Bolles. I wish someone had handed me that book ten years ago. It is the best “figure out who you are and what you want to do” book I’ve ever read, and I’ve spent a lot of time thumbing through the selections. Happy job hunting! Best of luck.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR —

I've traveled to India and watched the Hindus wake up Mother Ganges. I lived in Italy during September 11th when the Italians draped the Ponte Vecchio with an American flag, and I watched the Italians procrastinate until December 31st to transition from the Lire to the Euro. Tourists have pushed me off the sidewalk on 5th Avenue, and I have been laid off twice in one year. I've worked in the White House Social Office and welcomed guests on behalf of the President. I've been molested on the subway on my way to work but then been rescued by an undercover New York City police officer. I've eaten bagels in the Gehry-designed Conde Nast cafeteria and produced quarter of a million dollar photoshoots for Vogue. I've served food to the homeless in New York and delivered meals to the housebound in DC. I've run a half-marathon in Birmingham and been encouraged to 'keep up the good work' by a white-haired old man as he hauled by. I've toured the Three Gorges in China before the dam raised the water level and been told by a Beijing man that it is the Southern Chinese who eat 'little brown spotted dogs'. I've danced in the Orangerie at Versailles to Jimmy Buffett beneath a statue of Louis XIV singing 'Here Comes the Sun'. I've watched President Bush put his hand on Putin's shoulder and call him 'my good friend.' I've watched Russian tanks roll into Georgia on CNN. I've sent a note of condolence to the mother of a friend my age who died in September of a rare neurological disease. I am a great admirer of etiquette because good manners can transform you into royalty but inconsideration makes tatters from glamour. Manners are not a minefield. They are a 'lets try hard to make this other person more comfortable'. The true secret behind lovely etiquette and flawless entertaining is to make an effort. Yes: effort/strain/brawn/sweat/struggle/learn-the-rules/apply-them, and the energy expended absolutely pays off.

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