Wooo…sorry everybody…haven’t posted in a minute.

I could tell you a story about wolves dressed as riot police trying to eat my skull, or the boob goblins that stole my underwear, or snakes in vests, all of which would be true but wouldn’t necessarily explain the lack of content we’s bringing to the kids.

Mark Bauerlein, a professor at Emory University, has contributed the latest installment of millennial-bashing literature to the world’s library, cleverly titled “The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future (Or, Don’t Trust Anyone Under 30).”

Cute title. I think it should be “Crazy Old Bugfucks: How the Boomers Pass the Blame for EVERYTHING.”

From my understanding (I refuse to read such drivel. Not because I’m too busy multi-tasking or programming an iPhone or watching reality TV or whatever claptrap the Boomers are talking about us, but rather because I don’t like the smell of horeshit) Professor Bauerlein makes some rather bogus claims based on his old fruitcake point of view, such as:

1) Millennials don’t really care about politics and civics – Right, that’s why we got Obama elected.

2) Millennials are to blame for dropping test/literacy scores over the past decade – And the cost of higher education, shit salaries for teachers and slashed school budgets aren’t? Right, it’s all us and our AIM conversations that are really driving this country into the ground. Maybe instead of bailing out the financial industry and/or giving money to those dipshits in Detroit, the government should break everybody off a piece to better equip/educate themselves in preparation for the future.

3) “We” shouldn’t trust anybody under 30 – Yeah, because we fucked all of it up, right Bauerlein? We’re just now old enough to have a real say and grab the world by the scrot and we can’t be trusted? Pardon me, but I seem to remember the Boomers completely dropping the ball on American values by making the “make money, buy shit, make money, buy shit” action steps the ethos for an entire nation.

Ughhh…stop hating on the moppets known as millennials, we own your souls Boomers. Pray we don’t get ahold of the treasury and give your Social Security checks to weapons manufacturers and contractors for foo-foo-fooey wars…oh wait…you already did that.